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Sunday, December 05, 2004

so if we can hump dead animals and antelopes...

Just thought I could reprint something I wrote that was really clever. Think about it for a sec

*****

I'm also tired of love. Love is useless. Love has done nothing to me but destroy my self-esteem and probably permanently damaged my brain through sleepless nights and voices in my head.

There is no such thing as love. Love is basically animalistic attraction, the same attraction wild bison or lions have when choosing their mates, or more accurately, choosing which has the best genes to pass onto their young. You don't love the guy/girl you're with 'because you like them'...you like them because they have characteristics you want to spread to your future offspring. So you wonder why most girls like good looking guys...or guys who like girls with a rump and a rack (to put it bluntly). Peacock males with ugly feathers won't get much mates. Guys with more pimples than they have skin area do the same.

Hallmark is stupid. Valentine's Day is actually glorified mating season.

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In my honest opinion. Lovers who still believe in love...love away and rest assured with the fact that you have it and some don't.

Ah my bitterness doesn't show, right? I knew it.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Friday, December 03, 2004

i cant tell you how to make it go

I'm doing it again.

Oh my god, I'm doing it again.

I promised myself I would hold her like sand in my hand.

Instead, I hold her as if she would disappear, clutching and clawing at her as if she was oxygen to my drowning soul, like holding a small bird too tightly in my hand.

Sooner or later, if I don't loosen my grip, this precious life will die...along with my dreams.

And I will be left empty again.

She's always there. I say hi. She says hello. I ask her how she is. She tells me she's going crazy over her thesis. I tell her I miss her. She asks me about the rain.

Inch by inch, closer and closer I squeeze into her every moment...and I am afraid that if I don't stop, I might smother her.

It's so humiliating to be the only person on earth who does the same mistake twice. The excuse 'I'm only human' is just that...an excuse. An excuse to rationalize my ongoing habit of grasping for love instead of slowly reaching out a hand so that it might find a place to rest.

He says I'm blowing things out of proportion. So she ignores you for one day, what's the worse that could happen? So what if you texted, Yahoo! messaged, and Ragnarok PM'd her in just one day? It's not like its stalking or agressiveness or anything. It's coincidence.

Shyeah, coming from a guy whose motto is 'everything happens for a reason'.

A horny guy once said that there's no such thing as a mistake. There are just things that you do...and things you don't do. Right now...I'm wishing I didn't do it.
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