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Friday, December 09, 2005

To my sweetie

I LOVE YOU!

I do! I've never thought of anyone else but you!
I wake up in the morning thinking of you!
I go to school thinking if you've gone to school too!
When I get home all I wanted is to talk to you!
To find out if you're fine, you're ok, you've done your homework
If you've fixed your room, if you've eaten dinner
if you've gone to the mall or just about to go!
I love you! I love the way you say you're S's and T's!
I love the way you make me feel I can do something!
THat I can do something better with myself!
With my life!
I love you! If i can show you how much, i will!
I want to be your friend! Your ally! Your kris kringle!
Your confidant! Your love!
You're free to do whatever you want! I love you just the way you are!
I love you just that way!
I love you!!




ps: the philosophy quote WAS a quote. I never loved anyone as much as you.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Starstruck: Sarah Geronimo in Crown Plaza!

I met the lovely Sarah Geronimo this Monday, December 5, at the Outstanding Filipino Retailers Awards night (where I was the designer of the stage, thank you).

She looks so pretty in person! She sings really well!!! Good Lord, she's so nice! No airs or diva-isms or anything! She says 'po' a lot! Even to people younger than her!! She's so courteous and charming!! Buy her CD's!

Monday, November 28, 2005

MOVIE REVIEW: THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE (2005)

I now wondered what came over me when I agreed to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose with Pauline this Saturday. Maybe I thought it was a challenge for me to watch my first moviehouse horror movie. Maybe I thought it wasn't that scary.

Oh, how wrong was I.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose is not your ordinary exorcism/horror movie. I should've known that when I read that it was 'based on a true story'! It follows the exploits of a lawyer (played by Laura Linney) assigned to defend a priest, Father Moore, from charges of negligence resulting in homicide. That homicide being the death of the Emily (played amazingly by Jennifer Carpenter), the teenage daughter of a devout Catholic family who was allegedly possesed by demons.

Father Moore's charges were brought upon his insistence that Emily was possessed, required exorcism and should forego medical treatment. Medical doctors were convinced she was psychotic (hence the visions) and epileptic (hence the twitching and contortionism...and how!) and required drugs. Now the courts decide. Was Emily really possessed? Or was she really sick and was Father Moore's suggestion of removing her medical treatment the cause of death? Well, the only way to know is to flashback to the actual event and find out.

By the way, this movie was based on the true life case files of a possessed girl in Germany in the 70's, on whom the character Emily Rose was based. It's also interesting to note that the case files were also used as research on how to depict an exorcism in the famous movie The Exorcist (there were very evident similarities). Oh, and for all the fans of the Japanese manga Angel Sanctuary, one of the more extravagant fallen angels in that comic book is given prominence in this movie.

I won't spoil anything for you. I know better than to spoil a horror movie. Suffice to say the movie had its thrills in spades. Lets get down to it.


ACTING: (9/10)
My goodness, if the actress who played Emily was payed a paltry sum for this movie, I have to say she was grossly underpaid! She gave it her all in this movie. She screamed, she shouted, she did all the twitching and contorting associated with possession with such energy and authenticity that watching her was absolutely unnerving. I admit I closed my eyes often during her demonic attacks.

The cast was not your usual A-list Hollywood actors, but I guess they were going for a small-town feel to it. Everyone was at their peak. Most especially the actress who played Emily. What she did was not just an effort. Her acting was nothing short of phenomenal.


WRITING: (8/10)
The screenplay was alright. It's purpose was to portray Emily's unfortunate life and the events thereafter, and it did its purpose without being too heavy handed. Father Moore was an inspiring character. Even when he was face-to-face with evil itself, never did he waver, instead praying for protection with the conviction of a true believer in God. No earth-shaking dialogues, no snappy banter were needed here. The visual portrayal of Emily's plight on the big screen was more than enough.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: (9/10)

The cinematography's straightforward. Every time the movie flashbacked to Emily, the whole cinema were at the edge of their seats. They knew what was coming. Emily possessed was absolutely terrifying. You can't just look at the screen and not carry it with you when you get out of the theater, get home, and go to bed to sleep! Using quick, sharp cuts and close ups on Emily to portray her possession, the feeling of staring down the devil himself is evoked, and the movie is all the more unbearable to watch alone!

FUN FACTOR: (9/10)
This movie is not fun. It's absolutely terrifying. And rightfully so.

OVERALL: (9/10)
Overall, The Exorcism of Emily Rose is a very, very terrifying movie, bumping off Night of the Living Dead as the scariest movie I have ever seen. But unlike the "Night", the movie ultimately grants Emily redemption from her plight in the end, a warning to the world that the spiritual world is real, and hope that there IS a god. In the soon immortal words of the character Emily: "People say that God is dead, but how can they believe that when I show them the Devil?"


I can't say that this movie needs improvement, for I do not know how else to do a horror movie. Basta, the movie delivered...more than anyone can know.

If you want to research on the story "Emily Rose" was based on, look up Anneliese Michel on any search engine and tell me what you think.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

im sorry sweetie

It's a funny thing why I love my privacy so much that anyone spilling anything about my private life is tantamount to suicide...but I keep spilling personal quirks and eccentricities of mine to peole through word of mouth, email, snail mail, friendster(TM) bulletins and this random blog.

So every time I hear someone know something about me I thought only God and the lice in my head knew, I keep punching myself but I remember that I practically handed that information to him (or her...I'm not biased) on a silver platter.

Remind me to kill the guy who said that a secret can be kept by three people if two of them are dead.


*********************


I just hurt someone dear to me.

Okay, not just hurt. I hurt her a couple of days ago.

But I did.

I just found my belief in true love battered and broken, and now I don't know what to believe. Out there, my nemesis is laughing her ass off at this newest predicament (this 'her' is not to be confused with the girl I just hurt!) and is probably wondering why I suck so much.

Uncertainty. That's what did me in.

I'd rather not risk hurting her with my immature uncertainty, so I let go.

And now I'm beating myself up (as yet again...for the umpteenth time) for a decision I didn't want to make, yet I was compelled to do.

Love is not about taking whatever hurt or pain your loved one gives you. It just isn't about that. Forgiveness is stupid if aggravation is repeatedly done. Continual acceptance of pain given is unnecessary martyrdom.

I don't know what I'm saying anymore (but my tirade on love and pain is absolute truth!).

Am I cursed to forever hurt the ones I love? Am I cursed forever to traumatize every stranger that comes in my path?

Jeez. I hope not.

I love her. I know I do. I just don't know what to do about it. At least, not yet.





I leave you with a quote. This is really cool.


I'm in love with a girl...a philosophy major. To her, I don't exist. And worse...she can prove it.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

MOVIE REVIEW: THE PUNISHER (2004)

I dig the Punisher. He's my kind of good guy, you know? He doesn't rough up the goons real good till the cops arrive. No, he doesn't wait for the shields to come. In fact, they shouldn't waste their time getting to where the Punisher is, coz all that'll be left for them are dead bodies, splattered brains, broken shins and ribs, and a whole cornucopia of pain.

If only the Punisher movie lived up to my standards.

No offense to anyone who watched the latest Punisher movie (with Thomas Jane, not the weirdly offensive version with Dolph Lundgren) and enjoyed it, but it sorta became apparent to me that the movie was hitching a ride in the sub-par wagon by the time it gets to the middle.

I just watched it on HBO kanina...so consider this a review for if ever you wanna borrow it in CD form na lang...hehe.

For all the people who don't know, Punisher is the story of Frank Castle, a Marine who has his family gunned down by the mob and promises not to rest till no bad guy is left breathing.

I really don't know where to start. In actuality, the movie was pretty good. Thomas Jane was excellent. The killing scenes were good. My fave John Travolta was at his usual best. The real nails to the coffin were the budget constraints and the low-level writing. Anyway lets get to it.

WRITING: (4/10)
They stayed true to the Punisher we knew and loved from the comics, I give them that. Unfortunately, there's not much dialogue to give the story weight. The story picks up sooo fast after Frank's family was murdered and drags awfully in the middle. Not much talk for most of the cast here. It's kind of sad, since Jane can really make the Punisher stand out on this one, only if they gave him something to work with.

ACTING: (5/10)
Let's face it, dead people don't need to act. But I can't differentiate the dead ones from the living. It seems like all of the characters except for the Punisher are just waiting to be killed by him. Thomas Jane was really good in portraying a brooding Pun, heck, even John 'Saturday Night Grease' Travolta gave one for the team. But his performance looked like he's just on auto-pilot, not giving us anything new. At one point, I thought I was watching Swordfish. Again, they didn't have anything good to work with, so I forsake the failing grade.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: (7/10)
Whoever directed this movie oughtta be counseled. But fair is fair, and at least there were no psychedelic trip-the-light-fantastic shots here.

FUN FACTOR: (8/10)
As a comic book fan, it satisfied me. As an action movie fan, it satisfied me a lot. All of my fave guns were there a-blazin' and killing everybody with every spit of the bullet. But my fave part was when the Punisher started using this cool-looking hunting bow to kill off the guards. Every arrow's swish in the air was pure bliss for me.

OVERALL: (6/10)
Punisher was no Spider-man 2. But at least it's not trying to be. It was as it was advertised, and it delivered. But I wonder if Robert Rodriguez directed this thing...that Harvey Heck guy's guitar case would bring more than just musical instruments....


I'm tired. Gud morning, y'all.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Starstruck: William Thio in Glorietta!

Wednesday Lupet Nights! are gone. 3rd week and the same weird, war time and charity shows are being aired. Pray to God you're just updating and readying your second season, or I promise you no one will be left standing here on earth after I'm through.


**************************


Just a filler...I just saw William Thio (of Bestfriends fame...the guy I've been writing about along with the luscious Abby Cruz..aren't you reading?! Damn!) in Glorietta today, August 8. I was taller than him by about 2 inches...and his smile just practically disarmed that fruit shake stand** lady. He sounds exactly like he is on TV, and from the looks of it, acts soooo nice and gentleman like. And he looks like he doesn't have a shred of hang-up on him, with his yellow shirt and his faded jeans and his worn out rubber shoes...he looks just like one of us! Trust me, girls...I got 20% estrogen in me and I have to say he's effin hot!

It was so embarassing, me convulsing and writhing on the dining table at FoodChoices while my best buds, Josh and JL, and my classmate Cheryl, looked on. Sorry, guys, but I can't help it if one of the stars of my fave shows was sitting 3 feet from where I was! Unfortunately, none of my so-called pals watch Bestfriends, leaving me without anyone to share this delight to. T____T

I was like imagining scenes in my head like what if I went over and had a chat with the fellow? "Dude, I LOVE you in Bestfriends! What happened na ba between you and Abby? You left me hangin', dawg!"

That meeting was best left to my imagination.

Dammit, Will! What happened to Bestfriends?!



**dunno if it was the fruit shake stand...I was busy staring at him to really care.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

random rant no. 4

Hmm...either I'm glareingly stupid and dumb at the same time, or Bestfriends (or the rest of Wednesday Lupet! Nights for that matter) have been replaced by documentaries about war victims and telethons for world peace. Who the hell needs world peace?! I want Bestfriends to come back!


*****


I have this funny habit of wanting girls I don't like, and liking girls I'm not meant for. Sexy-tight-pants-and-tinted-sunglasses-wearing-tube-top-sporting-bra-excluding-mestiza beehotches get me all hot and bothered under the collar (and somewhere else entirely)...but their sole purpose (hopefully) in my life is fantasy fullfillment only...not the type I see myself in a serious relationship with. Seriously. But I would go wishing to God for a chance at this sweet thing, while she advertises her hot bod like it was the last commodity on earth, while I'm thinking that if she looks hot with her uniform on, what more without it?

I like them. All their breasts, all their birthing hips...but I don't really like them.

But then again, there are those girls who are sweet, charming, oozing with smart and what not...full of vigor with life, who greets everyone she meets with a smile, without a single cell of vanity or vengeance in their body...and I fall head over heels with them (for good reason) but lo and behold, Cupid fires just one arrow from his bow, figuring he could leave me all by himself with all this love raging inside me. And I fail.

Sonovabitch's got a lot of explaining to do the next time I see him.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Stream of mind

When it's all over and done I'm the one in the middle screaming my head off, wondering what I just did and whether I'll live to see the day everything I do comes to fruition. It doesn't help matters that I'm numb with the pain, or if I'm previewing everything I've been waiting for only to see it dashed on the bloody rocks of reality.

I feel empty all of a sudden...and I'm surprised at how everyone can change their minds completely and so quickly including me. I hate myself for that, that uncertainty and indecisiveness that's eating away at my intestines and making me leave the bathroom with soft stool in the bowl.

What the fuck am I here for?

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Bestfriends: Rewind?!

Sonovagun...

Whatever happened to the fall out between Abby and William's...never mind. I tuned in kanina to Bestfriends and expected to see the continuation of the cheesy and wonderful cliffhanger last week, and find out they replayed an earlier episode! Wadapak?! Anyway it still has Abby in all her taray glory so it's okay.

For those who haven't watched early episodes of Bestfriends, William's friend Cheska (Cheska from Singles, also an Ideal Minds show) came from the States for a 3 week visit. William is sooo ecstatic about seeing his old friend while Abby would rather watch movies with him (awww!). When they do meet her, she gets all mushy and conyo on William and gets all bitchy on Abby (my fave quote from Cheska: Ookey-ookey [ukay-ukay]? What's that?!). Abby's pissed expression was priceless.

William gets invited to Cheska's party at some mall, with reluctant Abby in tow. The confrontation scene in the bathroom was funny when Cheska just throws down every hurtful remark imaginable on poor little Abby. Abby storms out (Cheska again: Like, what's her problem?) understandably. William confronts then realizes how a real bitch Cheska is and, needless to say, chooses Abby over his bitchy 'acquaintance'. In the end, the trade cheeseburgers and wine for siopao and Mountain Dew and promise to stay friends forever (forever daw oh!).

We also see some scenes with Paul* (Abby's boyfriend) on the show. Gawd, I so hate his face. He's like the epitome of the ugly guy with the hot girl, the kind that cements the saying that life isn't fair. Reminds me of dozens of guys like him who took all the hot chicks away from me. Hehehe...



*Is it Paul? I don't remember...but I think I'm right.

**I don't even know what's next...but I hope next week they show the fallout of the the Puerto Galera incident, man! Bestfriends airs Wednesdays at 830pm on IBC 13.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Nothing for nothing

I like my life. I hate the people in it.
I hate a lot. That's bad.
Hating BAD! Loving GOOD!

Dating a teenager isn't as easy as it looks. I'm straining all the energy I have into understanding the psyche of the pubescent crowd. I hope it works.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

TV REVIEW: BESTFRIENDS

Bestriends is one of the most unique shows on air today. It's the story of William (played by William Thio) and Abby (played by the delicious Abby Cruz), who share an unusual yet fun relationship: as girl and guy best friends.

Bestfriends shows a lighthearted yet terribly mushy look at the dynamics of a platonic girl-guy relationship. William is a sorta kinda yuppie who doesn't seem to have that many guy friends (but trust me, he's more manly than he looks). Abby is this hip chick who hangs out at bars with her best friend William a tad too much (which make people think, 'kayo na ba?'). But of course, and as I recently found out, Abby has a boyfriend and she maintains that she and William are 'just friends'. But can they really stay that way?

That's the question that you'll ask yourself every Wednesday night as you watch the interactions between William and Abby, and their interactions with their respective buddies, and their thoughts about each other as an episode of Bestfriends comes on air.

WRITING: (9/10)
Each episode is ripe with quasi-romantic feelings and is mushy without being overly cheesy. Although some of the character's 'realistic' dialogue seems really forced ("So there I was, looking out towards the sea, with the wind blowing on my face"), the short testimonials from each character more than make up for it. Especially William. Who knew he was such a cheesy sonovagun?

ACTING: (6/10)
The writers are going for a 'reality show' kind of feeling, where the characters use 'improptu' dialogue, seemingly saying what's on their mind at the moment. But when I need the emotions enforced, the characters seem to slacken, and when we need it light, they seem to be in such a terrible strain to let it out as naturally as they can. Good, but needs more work.

CINEMATOGRAPHY (8/10)
Good in a sense that they were going for the sort of 'reality' feel, so the normal camera angles, the straight shots of the stars are needed to bring the story to life.

OVERALL: (8/10)
Bestfriends is a solid effort. And for everyone who has a soft spot for cheesy, 'When Harry Met Sally' kind of stories or for everyone who has a hard spot (pun!) for Abby Cruz, then this show is for you.

*********

The reason I seem to be so attached to Bestfriends is partly because I had an idea for a story just like it...2 year before Bestfriends was ever shown on TV. Only it had a very tragic ending (meaning its not an ending everybody likes).

But the main reason I like the show is because it caters to my penultimate love fantasy: falling in love with your bestfriend. Sure, Lovers in Paris had its share of cheeziness, and heck, even Darna gets you going with the romance. But there's nothing like the feeling of falling for someone you've known for so long, and who knows you so well, and the uncertainty that follow such emotions. That's the kind of love fantasy I always wanted to have and what I really like playing around in my head. That's the reason why I fell in love the way I did with the last two girls I courted, and still it's a wonderful story to be told...but I guess it looks better when it happens to other people!


Next week on Bestfriends: William and Abby finally found each other after days of 'cooling off' after the Puerto Galera incident. How will they handle what happend and what they feel for each other? Is this the end of the 'best friendship on earth'? Bestfriends airs Wednesdays at 830PM on IBC 13.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Friends or Lovers?

For the love of God, please, don't fall in love with your friend! Or your best friend for that matter! The pain is not worth it, I repeat, is NOT worth it!

But if you really, really can't help it...a word from the wise: tell her at once. Don't wait for the time when she starts acting all weird and nice on you and you can't help but fall in love with her because of it.

Warning! Those feelings aren't real! If this happened to you, I'm 234% sure u have MASSIVE insecurities. Mistaking kindness for affection, friendship for romance...sureball signs that you're falling in love not with the person, but with the concept.

DON'T let that happen to you. I love you fellas too much to see you fall for the same mistake.

The mistake of jeopardizing a perfect friendship for the sake of romantic notions.

I'll be paying for it forever if I didn't stop in time. Damn you, Cupid! Damn you!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Die RB!

RB..I hope you die a slow and painful death. I want you to die of autoerotic asphyxiation or internal hemorrhage and crawl slowly towards my feet and die where you lay.

And when you do, I hope Hell swallows your wretched, pitiful soul and send it to the deepest pits where you will writhe in agony and despair over a slow burning fire tended by none other than the devil himself.


Ahh..happy thoughts are nice. No wonder nakakarma ako. Hahaha.

Monday, May 09, 2005

the search is over

I'm happy today and a bit relieved.

A lot of dangling subplots still left hanging in the air, but an otherwise good effort on my part.

I have run the marathon. I have launched the kamikaze fighters into the air. I have called upon Menelaus' fleet and charged head on towards the beach head with nothing but love on my side.

But unfortunately, love wasn't on my side after all. He was 500 miles away, in a bomb-proof bunker with his trusted aides, waiting for a body count.

Naah, it wasn't that bad.

Wouldn't wanna divulge any details, she might have already read this. Waah!

But you know what? I'm starting to appreciate the power of romantic failure. There always comes a time when you get tired of the hero successfully romancing the girl. Sometimes stories of the guy courting a girl but gets sweetly rejected after are the most underrated kinds of love stories.

To say that everybody loves a happy ending is bullshit. Have you met everybody?

Anyway, stories about the lead being rejected by the girl he likes only becomes sweet if the lead accepts his complete failure with a smile on his face and a lesson learned. Coz if he didn't learn from that encounter, the story becomes tragic, doesn't it?

Ahh, to say that youth is wasted on the young is bullshit. This is what being young is all about.

Savor the love, kiddies. Savor the love.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Hello Lucban! Hello Lucban!

Went to Lucban, Quezon last Sunday to Monday for a little downtime with the folks. Okay, I know it's late (or should i say stale) news but I have lots of interesting material..hahahah!

Lucban didn't have that much to see...basically it's ur typical rural baranggay with lots of old-style houses and fields of rice. Actually, it was basically boring..:D The only thing I liked about the trip is that the bus serendipititously passes by the house of my one love. Even tried lookin for it, lookin out the window, for goodness sakes!

But I digress. Here are some stuff in Lucban that I found out.

1. Lucban girls are HOT

What's that? Did I hear that right? HOT? YOu got that right! Call me an idiot, but it's amazing for me that for such a rural province, Lucban sure has it's share of hotties. The resort we stayed in there had LOADS of local beauties...in bikinis no less. Not to mention the resort owner's daughter was THE bomb. But the real smorgasboard was in the town proper itself. Jeez I flirted with each and every hot girl I saw there.

BAD GEORGE! *WHAP!!* BAD GEORGE!!!!!!

2. The Kamay ni Hesus Shrine is AWESOME

I feel weird talking about this after the hottie comments, but if any of you reading this has plans going to Lucban, I suggest you go to this place. At first it looks basically like a church with healing water. But the real people catcher here is the 200-plus foot mountain beside it.

It's been turned into a virtual stairway to heaven, with 292 steps towards the top, where a 50 foot statue of the ressurected Christ welcomes everyone who made the sweaty and tiring trip up. It's a very humbling experiece as you climb toward the top. The way is exhausting since the steps are really steep, and since there are no guard rails or anything, nothing will stop you from falling 200 feet down if you do fall. But if you're patient and persistent, you'll be rewarded with the huge Christ statue and the spectacular view of Quezon on a bright day.

Oh well, I might have gone to Lucban against my will, but I'm kinda glad I say those during my stay.

Now whatcha waitin for? Go to Lucban! Climb 292 steps towards Christ! Oh, and get some numbers from girls while you're at it..*wink*

AH GEORGE, YOU'RE RUTHLESS....

Monday, April 11, 2005

I'm tired

I'm not suppposed to be sad. But I am.

Women are vague creatures. To say that almost all men lie, cheat and steal is a total lie. In these times of gender equality, women do their fair share of petty arguments and 'secret' problems. Of unknown grudges and mind-reading. And we men will 'always' be the bad guy.

I'm appalled that I've become less of a romantic and more of a realist. To me, Love is not about your 'special someone' or 'wishing on the same, big star' anymore. It's about two people, two different people with different views, from different upbringings, trying to make sense of each other. 'It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along', says Maroon 5. And for me they could never be more correct.

She ignores me. She doesn't want to talk to me. She doesn't want to see me. But who am I to expect anything since she doesn't feel anything for me in the first place? I'm doing all the work here, and I know but pray that she's worth it.

Am I way over my head here? Did I bite more than I can chew?

I'm feeling it. My soul wants to quit but my body and heart doesn't want to.

But a song once said that if you really love somebody, you've got to set them free. She's never been more free than now. Wanting a relationship this bad without any hint of maturity is, to quote the vernacular, 'asking for it'.

I'm tired

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Please let this be the last

I could write a thousand hate poems or one painfully wretched ditty about how a...an apathetic and psychopathic person ruined my life and how I was stupid, no, absolutely moronic enough to fall for her...but it will never be over. It will never be the same. I will never be over her, I guess. I was burned in such a nonchalant fashion that I was standing there a charred, stinky mess wondering what happened. And how it was over so fast.

And the fact that she still remembers that day, how she sent me to hell (for nothing, no less) and how she wonders why I acted the way I did after that day sickens me to the core. And yet, I am still drawn to want to talk to her...to talk about why she did what she did. How I was the only person in the world (not boasting)who will ever love her the way I did. And why she's still infatuated with paper cut-out fantasy men she will never absolutely have.

But perhaps, in all my bitterness, I fail to see how she is a tragic figure...cursed forever to love archaic figures of fantasy...from Lestat to the Crow...from Japanese boys to dark and mysterious older men. To love and to give love wholeheartedly and without reserve to concepts and ideas only, and to never feel the touch of a real human person.

------

Her world is the dream world
Where she swims in the inky black sea of the night sky
Where she plays with Old Shut-Eye in the fields
Of purple grass and perhaps she is blessed
And perhaps she is not. She is too blinded to see
Beyond what might be
And she will sit in the purple grass
Waiting for the day the touch of an Endless
Will wake her
And perhaps it will not
Her shattered mind will keep her there
There are more important stuff
Than love and dreams than I might think
But she doesn't mind sitting there to wait
Maybe forever
So I leave her in dreams
I finally have my own life to live.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Love U.

Who is the perfect one, anyway?

Who can tell what constitutes as perfect? Is it the way he smiles? Is it the way he seems to know what you're thinking about? Is it the way he seems to know the perfect thing to say at any moment? Is it the way he seems to worship you and hang on to every word you say?

I am not that person. I'm not Tom Cruise with his killer smile. I'm not a psychic and I can't and won't read your mind. I stop and stutter at the very moment you need to hear something meaningful.

But love is like a leap of faith. And if you've been battered and broken because of that leap like I did, it sort of skews your view of love a little. You become cautious and organized. You look before you leap. You wear all sorts of emotional equipment to deal with the leap and possible fall. You wear Love's Anti-fogging goggles so you could see where you should land without being blinded by the ever rolling blizzards of Reality. You wear Commitment's Boots to ensure footing on the other side. And you wear Rejection's parka jacket with emergency parachute so that when you do miss your jump, you wont have to die falling. But as soon as you get to the bottom...if there ever is one...you'll die from the cold either way.

I wanted to say I love you but apparently I'm not a romantic.

I wanted to say I care for her but apparently I thought I didn't need to.

I wanted to say that I would shake the heavens and catch the stars that fell so I could offer them to her...and I still want to.

I still want to.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Pray for an overdose...a pre-Valentine rant

Love is a funny thing, without shape or form, substance or meaning. Yet people died and killed for it. Wars were started and stopped with it. Such power is what I don't understand.

I've given up thinking about all the girls in my life. I've given up thinking what they see in me that's so cute and cuddly. I've given up why I fell in love with that one person only to bite the dust hard.

Love is a dangerous thing to wield. It is dangerous to speak of it and to speak good or ill of it. It is dangerous to behold, lest we be corrupted by it. It is dangerous to listen to its advice and bickering. Kind of like the One Ring in the Lord of the Rings, except that this thing is insubstantial.

Love is truth and untruth, right and wrong, weakness and strength, heat and cold and light and dark at the same time. It is a floating contradiction. It breaks down barriers, or sets them up. It is the difference between an argument and a full-heated bar brawl. It makes you feel draped with the finest silk (or cotton) or it will leave you feeling naked in front of a hundred people you don't know. It can make the most furious storm feel and look like clear-blue-sky-kind-of-sunny weather and the most beautiful summer morning look and feel like a blizzard from hell. It leaves you feeling like a millionaire or one peso short of jeepney fare. It's that inscrutable!

It makes me miss this supermodel-I-used-to-like-who-left-for-UP-in-fear-of-me more every day. It makes me want to hold her in my arms and swear. And this girl I used to love might not look great in pictures...but love makes her look like the prettiest angel I have ever seen.

Love. Better than Ecstacy? Pray for an overdose.
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