My love life is an exciting yet tumultuous roller coaster ride. I've had my share of ups and downs, most of it my doing, but I managed to hold on this long.
Right now, we're at the stage where we're 'friends muna', the place I'd rather be in than not being with her at all. I have to admit I'm not doing a very good job at it. Often times it's not so bad. We're still as cordial as we could ever be. We share laughs, we kid around, we see each other (or at least, I want to see her), and other stuff we could possibly do.
Oftentimes, though, I miss the times when we were so close, closer than most guys can ever be to her. Getting to sit beside her in a coffee shop, holding her hand while I watch her.
It's kind of funny how I often hold back some of my feelings for fear of getting hurt. I don't say 'I love you' that much anymore, for fear of getting disappointed, knowing I'll only get a 'hehehe' or 'oh ok' in return.
Funny how I attach so much emotion and commitment on those three words.
But in the end, they say that true love does not ask for anything in return, that the reward is in the loving itself. And If I really love her, I shouldn't hold back just because it's not the same anymore. To paraphrase that guy in 2Fast, 2Furious said, "Nobody's got a gun to my head."
Sometimes I feel like I'm getting tired of loving someone without getting anything in return. But I know I shouldn't feel like that, coz I know that I have no right to do so.
There are many types of love, and ours is fine just the way it is.
At least, for the time being.