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Friday, July 14, 2006

Jealousy is oft heard, but always done

Jealousy. My biggest sin.

I'm a jealous person. Probably more jealous than God himself, but that's for another edition of my blog.

When I like somebody (a girl probably), I want her to be with me all the time. When she starts getting smoochy moochy with other guys, it sends me in a swirl of emotions, half-anger and half-disappointment. She says it's nothing, that we're 'just friends'...but nowadays I just don't trust girls who say that.

Sorry, blame my past flames for arousing these suspicions in me. I've been cheated on before. I've had it with girls who tell me they're 'just friends' or 'it's nothing, really'. If it's really nothing then why bother seeing him, texting him, ribbing him, smiling at him in the first place? I'm here naman, I've got all the time in the world!

Oh, wait. Selfishness is the brother of jealousy...and they're both in me now. I've become too pessimistic about this, too grounded in the fact that nobody's perfect, that nobody can ever be loyal to one person only. I've had it with girls leaving me 'just because'. Like I've always said...I'm easy. If you like me, you like me...if you don't, then I don't have any use for you.

Bihira lang ako mainlove. Most women I know take that for granted. They swoon for men who love them for looks and leave them at the drop of the hat, then cry their eyes out wondering why someone so perfect would leave them so easily.

Someone once told me to have faith...unfortunately I believe that God is the only being anyone can ever be faithful to. Men and women cannot be 'just' friends. That's why I have so very few female friends. Men and women are meant to be together...to consummate feelings and emotions...but the men always get the short end of the stick. To quote one of my favorite movies...men and women can't be friends because the sex always gets in the way.

But in the end, it's a trait I will always hate. Jealousy has no place in my life. I don't want to be jealous anymore. Jealousy is for weak people who can't handle other people's emotions. I get jealous easily and for the smallest things...

But the jealousy remains.

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