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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

4 ON THE FLOOR Week 2: Feline

4 ON THE FLOOR is a weekly look at the history of the Dark Lich's blog, what's happened since then, and whether people still read his blog. All of it in celebration of the 4th anniversary of Think Happy Thoughts.


Aah…2005. I don’t think I’ve ever had a year quite like it, and I don’t think I will ever have a year quite like it.

My best mates have already graduated at this point, leaving me behind to pay for my academic mistakes. Without their down-to-earth guidance, I became a loner and went all emo about myself. Not something to be proud of, I agree, but better it happened then than it happening now!

I seriously cannot imagine myself 3 years ago writing the sort of shit I wrote. Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually pretty proud of those snippets of heartbreak-induced genius, but these days I sort of avoid reading them aloud…for the emotions instilled into those writings were so real, so vivid. They’re so moving, that I dare anyone to read it and not have it tug a familiar heart string or two.

The lady I’ve fawned over for 2 years has rejected me at this point, and I broke her apart in this very blog, cursing her name to high heaven and at the same time rationalizing and romanticizing our nonexistent relationship with each other. I’ve overdosed, I’ve unlearned, and I’ve been tired. And I told myself that it would be the last. And guess what? It was definitely the last time I ever mentioned her here (apart from this blog post, of course.)

So what happened to her? Well, she now has a boyfriend, and she works at the same building I work in (isn’t that, like, karmic or something?). And these days I don’t get sick to my stomach in utter revulsion or plain wussy fear whenever I talk to her. We say hi, we even engage in small talk at the cafeteria line when we catch each other there. It’s all because I’ve made a certain commitment to not hold on to past grudges with the women who’ve scorned me. Laugh all you want but that’s just how I roll now. Hers was a major bridge I burned back then, and while it will take a long while to rebuild (if it will be at all), at least my emotional baggage with her is now gone.

But did I ever find love again after her? And what sort of blogger posts just one or two posts per month?! All will be revealed in the next installment of 4 ON THE FLOOR, our road to the 4th anniversary of Think Happy Thoughts!

Thanks for reading!

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